A Hurt That Doesn’t Harm

I was reading Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend’s book called “Boundaries,” and I stumbled upon this realization that hurt and harm are different. He mentioned about a story of a man who was having a hard time setting his boundaries simply because he didn’t understand the difference between hurt and harm. And personally, I can relate to what the man felt.

There are instances when I find it hard to set my boundaries towards other people or even to those I love simply because I was afraid to hurt them. I was so scared to tell them what I truly feel because it might break their hearts.

Sometimes, it’s so painful to express the truth. I find it so uncomfortable to confront other people. But I find relief the moment I read this wonderful reminder from the book: “Things can hurt and not harm us. In fact, they can even be good for us. And things that feel good can be very harmful for us.”

This simply opened my eyes that there are certain heartbreaks in life that will change and help us grow into a better person. This is the kind of hurt that doesn’t harm. Instead, it will mold and lead us to a better life. And because of this lesson, I realized that confrontation is a beautiful gift from God. Yes, it’s not comfortable, but sometimes, we badly need to do it, so that others will also grow and become responsible of their actions.

Before I realized this wonderful lesson, I would often feel so guilty for trying to be honest especially to those people who broke my trust. Every time I would confront someone, there is this guilt in my heart, and it breaks me as well. But then, this reminder somehow comforts me, and it gives me the reason to keep doing what is right, even if it hurts.

And maybe, just like me, you are also one of those who are having a hard time confronting other people. You are also scared to express what you feel because you might hurt them. But just because it hurts doesn’t mean you should not do it. Sometimes, other people need to hear the truth so that they will grow and become a better person. Yes, it will hurt them, and it will break your heart, but it won’t harm them at all. In fact, the truth will lead them to change, and it will greatly help them in the end.

P.S The book is really helpful especially to those who find it difficult to set boundaries. I’ll be sharing some of my reflections in this website, but it would be better if you will personally read it. For sure, it will bless your soul.