He Draws His Promises Closer When my Waiting Moment Tires Me

I am eternally grateful for all the favor that God has given me. He provided me with the things I needed. He’s been my constant companion in everything I do. Though there were times when my plans did not happen the way I wanted them to, He always provided me with His perfect alternatives. He never ceases to bless me even when I feel in doubt and unsure of myself. He guides me all along and has been with me all this time. He even sent people who would serve as my guide and mentors. He let me meet people with different characteristics I learn a lot from. 

But most of the time, I don’t understand His ways. I could hardly comprehend my situation. That feeling that you have done your part, but nothing is happening. I have prepared myself well and prayed, but nothing. I have spent almost all my resources, but it all fell down. There were times when I would wonder if I should have done more and given more. It does exhaust me but, at the same time, troubles me. The list is marked now, yet I am still on the same ground where I started. I felt that if there were really things that I am destined to do.

Then He told me that my worth does not attach its value to things that I can and have to achieve. It is not about my achievements and victories. It is not also just about my job and the things that I will have. It is in Him to me. I don’t have to define myself on it. I am defined, alone, and as I am. He told me that if I seek my plans first, I will not prosper. If I bathe myself in material things, but I don’t have Him in my life, then I am still stained. Then it made me realize, that the waiting season was not meant for nothing. He made me do so, because there are things He prepared me for. 

God made me realize that there are greater things than my desires. That is why He made me wait. He wants to prepare me. He made my brokenness clearer for me to realize that I needed fixing. He made me see who I am and attacked my pride for it. He made me feel pain and hurt. He allowed me to cry and even complain. He allowed me to say things that troubled me. He introduced me to myself, deeper and clearer this time. He let me see the things that caused me to hate myself and the forgiveness that my heart desires. He taught me also that my heart never found satisfaction nor joy in things I thought would bring me one. 

Then that was when I realized why I was just waiting yet got exhausted. Because I was facing my fear and trying to avoid it at the same time. That is why He made me wait. Because it is a process that I have to undergo and understand prior to being one with His plans for me. The waiting season isn’t just waiting or doing nothing. It is the time of the breaking and making moment. Where God breaks me from the inside out. He let me see my fear and the things that hinder me. Then He’ll be making me prepared for His plans.